I haven't been blogging lately. I like to be open and honest when I'm blogging. But lately I feel like I haven't been able to post because if I posted anything it would be generic, and people read right through that. I hate reading those blogs that are so "la la la everything is freaking roses....blah blah blah." Just shut up already.
Without any further ado here is what all the fuss is about.
This is a post that I have been contemplating for some time now. I think I have been avoiding it because if i put it on paper/screen it's real. Ben and I have been trying to get pregnant for some time now and its just not happening. I really despise that godforsaken word that starts with "I" and rhymes.....hmmmm actually I can’t think of a word that rhymes with Infertility other than stupid. That word sounds so concrete. It sounds like a death sentence. It makes me feel hopeless and empty. So lets say reproductively challenged. Ben and I are reproductively challenged.
To be honest I have been looking for a blog I could follow that talks about this little topic and I can’t find one...or one that I like. The ones I have found are either from the views of a doctor who has never been through this or the blog is dripping in godawful clichés like...."Everything happens for a reason." I find it interesting that anytime anything goes askew that's most people's automatic response. My guess is it makes people uncomfortable so they have to say something, and that's the first thing that flops out of their mouths. If it’s not that response its usually my absolute favorite of all time...."Why don't you just adopt?" They say it like...."Why don't you pick up that paper clip off the floor?" We are talking about humans for hell's sake people!
We are seeing the crème de la crème of doctors. I love him and he sincerely wants to help us make a baby. This isn't a death sentence. Its just a game changer. We have to work a little harder than most people do.
This is a very personal matter that I have chosen to make public. Not very many people choose this route...but for me it's kinda therapeutic. I feel like I'm getting it off my chest. I'm taking charge. I'm not ashamed like I was in the beginning. These are the cards we have been dealt, now its up to us to play them properly. I'm definitely not saying that I don't have bad days. The bad days are REALLY bad. But I always say I'm thankful for those bad days because it's a reminder of how bad I want this. I'm not posting this for pity in anyway. I just want people to know that if you are going though this you are certainly not alone. And if you know someone struggling with the same situation, just hug them. That's all they really want. Don't tell them it will happen when they stop trying, or stop stressing, or enjoy getting 8 hours of sleep, or your kids are driving you crazy and they can have of them (actual situations that have taken place countless times.) Just hug them.
I know without a doubt in my mind we will be parents eventually...one way or another. For now I'm thankful that I have a very loving husband who is incredibly supportive and loving. He lets me cry and talk in circles, day in and day out. I'm also so thankful for my friends that pick up their phones knowing that I'm going to rant and rave and sob uncontrollably. Thank you for putting up with me and loving me despite my less than desirable attitude. I love you all dearly. xoxo